JayLynn E. Loves

You know when you are having a good conversation with someone, when the both of you are emotional for the same reason and it is a good reason to be emotional. Well that is what happened tonight. Mika and I was watching the recent episode of The Chosen and it really hit home for the both of us. Both of us felt the Holy Spirit but more the emotions of one of the main character and his wife. That feeling of being hurt, alone, frustrated, left out and unsure of themselves, made us realize how we sometimes feel too. Seeing that others are being blessed and receiving the things they've wanted but you don't get to have the things you've desired can be a bit frustrating and unfair. So much in this power couple and also from another side character personal experience shown through the episode had an impact on what I've and Mika had felt and experience. For years I had dealt with depression, anxiety, confusion and anger that I sometimes think that no one else can understand. "Walk it off" they would say or "It's not a big deal" or "Why are you mad or sad?" or sometimes they would make me feel like I shouldn't be acting the way that I would behave. At times I cannot control it even if I could, it would take a toll on me to overcome it. So when we watched this recent episode, I couldn't hold the tears of sadness for those character that displayed what I've been struggling for years. Honestly I wanted to hug them and tell them that I understand what they are going through. But I couldn't, so I reached over and hugged Mika instead. After shedding some tears, this lead to us to talk about things we both been holding onto for awhile. Nothing negative more good but frustrating things that happened in our lives not from each other but by the universe of things around us. For an example, the both of us not able to have any kids is the hardest part in our lives. We always wanted to have kids but it seems like it was not meant to be for us. We know that we can adopt but honestly we both never felt that it was the right thing for us. As if the Lord was blocking that option for us because he has something greater of a purpose for Mika and I. Fostering, surrogate, IVF was also brought to our attention many times, but that also did not fall through for us. This may seem like a selfish way of dealing with this matter by not going through one of these ways to have children. But for the both of us, we wanted to naturally have children and if it happen it will happen. If not then we both accepted it. For years I knew I had a 50/50 chance to have kids naturally and Mika knew it would be hard. We have been through the ups and downs of this experience but deep inside we also knew there was a bigger purpose and only God knows what is best for us. Whether we agree on it or not, something about the Higher purpose of things is far more better to trust in the process of it then being forever angry about it. We chose to trust in God. Yes it is sad and frustrating, but through humble patience and faith, I know I will someday bare children of my own and experience motherhood like every women who had this wonderful moment in their lives.

This evening conversation with Mika tonight opened another door or moment in our marriage that made me appreciate the power of communication. What it can do to build people up in a way that can strengthen relationships and bring us closer to each other and to God. I just love it. Something I look forward to in the near future. May this story help anyone out there to know that communication with those we love and care for is key to a healthy and happier relationship. Be humble and patient in the process because with God, nothing is impossible.

Trying my best to make something good can be a bit frustrating. I know it shouldn't but in the back of my mind I think that I need to make something to eat for me and Mika. Tonight as I was uploading more videos into my Dropbox, the thought of utilizing the spinach in the refrigerator for a meal. Then I began to think about the spaghetti noodles in my storage and how I should make a spaghetti dish. So I combined both the spinach and the spaghetti and came up with tonight's dinner. There is a specific name for this dish but I can't think of what it is. But it will eventually come to me later. How I prepared this dish was by first boiling a pot of water for the noodles, once the water is boiled cook the noodles until done. Next I would get a deep pan ready to cook the remaining of the ingredients. Cut a few pieces of bacon into slices to be fried. Preheat the stove with the deep pan to medium high heat to fry the bacon until it is cooked with ton of bacon juice remaining. Take the bacon out onto a side dish for later. Lower the head to medium with the grease and add 1 tablespoon of minced onions and 1 tablespoon of minced garlic. Add chopped bell peppers and fry it until tender. Add 1 can of diced tomatoes and spices of your choice (I used Garlic salt, black pepper, smoked parica, garlic powder, adobo seasoning, and italian seasoning).Make sure that you taste your sauce that it is favorable to your liken. If you need to add a little more salt or seasoning, do it at that time to avoid over seasoning it at the end. Let it simmer for 5 minutes then add 1 cup of heavy cream and cooked bacon. Stir and cook for 5 min. Add 1 1/2 bags of 5 oz spinach. Let it cook until spinach is soft and tender. Next add in your cooked noodles into the sauce mixture. Turn down the heat to low and add parmesan and mozzarella cheese until your sauce and spaghetti has thicken. Once it has thicken, turn the heat off and it is now ready to be served. I hope that you try and make this dish for yourself or family. All it takes is trial and error in cooking to know what works and what doesn't. Happy Cooking everyone!

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